Confidence Bites

Not challenged, not troubled,
not changing, not growing.
Apparently.
Stoning.
Life halt.

No.
It's the blinds.

.

I just suddenly recalled my interviewer's response when I asked what bond-holders are surprised about when they join the company's workforce- that there's a lot of people that's really good - as good if not better than them.

It just hit me that maybe he was hinting that I was overconfident. I remember feeling comfortable, but not too confident. Maybe it was something I unwittingly said before.

.

I was realizing faults
slowly, at least, when compared to now,
which is quickening, and painful.
Maybe it's because that's the rate I was willing to see
Often flabbergasted with each realized wrong.

Ehh.. Symptoms of overconfidence. :(


Ehhhh.. Symptoms of learning. :)

In our PM we trust

After reading from Lim Kit Siang's blog about Altantuya, I couldn't help but research about what actually happened. It sounded interesting compared to my boring study life.

• Balasubramaniam: I was unaware of the details - Shows him in nice shirt and clothes during press conference
• Disappearance of P. Balasubramaniam: Najib: We’re not responsible - Shows him in just polo-T and a cap. Looking quite perturbed.

I'm convinced by Bala's first statutory declaration, which tells the story of what happened. It's about how Balasubramaniam, a private investigator, found substantive evidence that proves Najib's involvement with Altantuya.

Comic - Nothing to nothing

Blindness

I really hate my own unawareness.
But it's a learning process.
Realizing the previous unawareness is always a good thing.
Cuz it shows progress. Better than stagnation, indifference, insensitivity, blindness.

But paiseh lah

But oh wells. Develop thick skin already.

Moving on..
Just gotta keep looking up.
and not forget everyone else.

---

I've been busy. With a lot of things.
I wonder if I prefer the lack of activity during the hols to this, or not.
Haha.

Anyway,
Must prioritize
Must plan
or GG. XD

Just Jack - The Day I Died

Just Jack - The Day I Died - Official Promo: Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9Dfgbz61RQ

Interesting song. A bit depressing though.
...when "things are just like that." .. when there is no God. atheism.

Reminds me of my dream in the dead walker post.

The winds of change for Africa

I had to share this story.

Ignorance of the what Evolution is

This site http://uniformvelocity.com/2009/03/23/young-earth-creationist-ignorance-of-what-you-dispute/ clarifies some common mistakes/assumptions about evolution.

I have yet to verify the author's assertions though.

Jay-Z's interview with Oprah

From here.

--
It's hardly imaginable what it's like to be living in his shoes during his teenagehood. While most of us are just busy with studies, friendship problems, sports/activities, etc, he was selling drugs and making money, and getting shot at.

Actually, the 'getting shot at' part reminds me of the tales of the WWII times lived by our grandparents.

Actually. I think his story's inspiring.

How will mine turn out to be?
How will my family's story turn out to be?
How will my friend's story turn out to be?

Hmmmm..

Facts don't change when people lie

When we take exams, we normally don't get 100% marks. But English is still English. Math is still Math. 1+2=3 is still 1+2=3.

Similarly, when Christians are taught Life and Truth, not all understand and practice at 100%.
But that does not mean that Christianity is false. It still is true.
- It once bothered me how unChristianly Christians were behaving. I wondered whether that was really how Christians should be. It was disappointing when some do not live up to their expectations. I had to continually remind myself of that people don't practice what they preach/learn sometimes and see how it applies on myself too -- this was to stop the thoughts that it's just a lifestyle thing from bothering me, so that I'd examine it myself. no peer/people influence.

Hmm.. Also similarly, when people learn values, we kind of get them or sometimes intellectually understand why it is good and how it matters, but not 100% if we don't fully appreciate it. So there're slip ups here and there as signs that the value isn't truly integrated.

Funny Indian Video

Zest for Life

is missing. Indifference dominion.

Sorry for the lack of updates.
A lot has happened.
Argued with people. Made do.
Dinnerndances. Initiation. Games. Many games. Memorable screwed up faces in track race.
Slept at night too little. Slept in class too much. Catching up on work. Wonderfully helpful and smart people.
Terrible auditions. Unprepared. Unlike myself at times.
Lost. Regained some focus on God.
Happy. Sad. Tired. Busy.
Tournament. Sucky.

Important: Received full scholarship offer for UCL Math with Econs. Deciding whether or not to go. Decided to stay in NUS, and not go for it due to the course + the bond. Haven't officially replied them yet. Will reply by this Friday. :( Tough decision. People, if you want to say I'm crazy for rejecting an offer to the UK, tell me now. I sometimes think so too. But I think I'm doing this really rationally. Aiya.



Have to do work now. Bye.

Frustrations

It's quite frustrating to know that you've annoyed someone and not know why.
It's equally frustrating when you're annoyed by someone.. and you don't know how to appropriately let them realize it. Sensitive v. insensitive.

On a second note, I'm afraid of following the way the crowd thinks and works. Peer influence. Because I think that if i examine by value and principles, i might regret it later.

On a third note, being with nice ppl, n friends, rocks.

--
Okay. I have to start catching up with calculus. I've been neglecting this morning class too much. I need to revise and read and check on everything. Qionging will be too difficult. Cannot slack! IBG why so busy!? Must not go for too many IBGs. Summore got non hall activities - uni/other - which i should put in more time, especially in the early part of the semester... time oh time.. choices and priorities.. aiyoyoh.

Small Ouches

Aiyah. I just realized that my impromptu speech that day can be considered as bitchy/badmouthing-generically-ish. I hope i will never do such a stupid and bad thing again. Think before speaking!

Altho there're some ppl who are tremendously irritating, I'm happy to find that almost every person I know, are good at heart. Yay! And quite a huge percentage are really nice.
So hurray for my block/hall, my old friends, my new friends! :D Oh. But my family is evil. Muahahahahaha! Shan't divulge here. Otherwise, the info might be taken advantage of.

The Inter-Block Games (IBG) basketball matches today were not so good. Aiyah. Not at our best. I was super rusty, and kept panicking and losing the ball. Some of the newbies don't feel good about not contributing much either. The first match was terrifyingly terrible. But not bad lah - the second match. Hopefully things get better later. Must keep in mind that the point of IBG is for bonding, not winning.



Current mood: Tired, happy, a bit worried.

Hypocritism

I hate it
when people say they believe in this and this value
but don't practice it.

What you do is so loud I can't hear what you say.

Oh, and by 'do', I also mean the things not actually done.


Disclaimer: I don't proclaim to be innocent.

A few rag pictures

Pictures stolen from KR Photocomm Facebook.


This is the float i helped to guard. And move. And make (i got rag rush a bit lah) (Rag rush = helping to mass produce the bits and pieces.)



The float is really detailed sia. The picture above is the back of the donut-clock (which by the way, can move its hands.. in a rather uncommon way though. haha.).




The teapot can pour tea okay.


The Rag Dancers.

Okay. Lazy to steal photos already.

Why Art

This is a talk Makoto Fujimura gave in Leesburg, Florida to the board of Leesburg Center for the Arts. It was originally published on Mako's "Refractions" blog.

**

I always feel tugged when I see the above Van Gogh painting.
**

"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance."
—Aristotle

As an artist, I often find myself trying to answer “Why Art?” Why is art necessary in our lives and in our education? How can I justify spending so much of my time and expenses invested in being an artist, and helping others by advocating for their artistic expressions? Why do we need the arts here in Leesburg? We have now much research pointing to the economic benefit of bringing art into communities. We have efforts to scientifically prove that the arts help us directly in education, in improving children’s school grades, and helping them to engage better with their worlds. I can give you evidence of how the arts help slow down dementia and reduce stress. (see Gifts of the Muse, by Rand Corporation)

But usually, in these gatherings, I end up listening to people, by finding out what deeply matters to them. And I often find that in the areas that they are most engaged in, and most passionate about, art is already present in that conversation. The person I may be speaking with may not know anything about art in New York, but he/she may talk about their children’s dream to become a dancer or an actor. They may talk about a movie they just saw that affected them deeply. They may speak of their business enterprises and find out that now businesses are starting to realize that the “bottom line” is not really sufficient; but there is a “second bottom line,” or a third. Business schools are now inviting designers to discuss creativity and design, to apply these principles into business practices because worker are no longer content to work in “bottom line” driven companies, but they want their whole person affirmed, and they want community. What I hear these workers stating, is that they want their humanity back. And in that conversation, art always presents itself as an expression of that humanity.

I was recently speaking at a church in NYC, and asked the people what they enjoy doing on Sundays apart from going to church. And everything they listed had something to do with the arts and entertainment. Art is everywhere, from the food we order in restaurants, to clothes we purchase, to paintings hanging on museums. Aristotle defined the arts as “our capacity to make.” So we could broaden our discussion into medicine and sciences. Even if we do not include these sister disciplines in our discussions, one thing is for sure: Our cultural productions and our art will defines us, whether we like it or not. Art expresses who we are.

One of the most frustrating moments in recent memory, for myself as an arts advocate, was to see the Super Bowl half time show knowing, that for the first time, that Janet Jackson fiasco was being broadcast in China. What do the Chinese think of us now? We have come to define ourselves by how we degrade ourselves, and we have exported that vision to the world.

When I traveled with The First Lady to represent the USA at the UNESCO general assembly several years ago, one of the the UNESCO officials told us of her fears in America’s reengagement with UNESCO: “We are struggling to believe that the US can bring more than McDonalds, Coca Cola or Hollywood movies (I might add pornography to that list, but she was too polite).” We tried to convince her and other UNESCO leaders that we have a very unique patronage system that encourages our democratic patronage of the arts like the NEA and NEH. But it was when she connected with our projects with Shakespeare and Jazz Masters programs and touring of Martha Graham dance troops that convinced her that we were committed to a higher vision. These distinctively American forms of art, I would argue, are the greatest fruits of our democracy. And we have every reason to celebrate and broadcast with pride what freedom has brought us.

Tolstoy stated “Art is not a pleasure, a solace, or an amusement; art is great matter. Art is an organ of human life, transmitting man's reasonable perception into feeling”.

Art is a building block of civilization. A civilization that does not value its artistic expressions is a civilization that does not value itself. These tangible artistic expressions help us to understand ourselves. The arts teach us to respect both the diversity of our communities and the strength of our traditions. I encourage people not to segment art into an “extra” sphere of life and decorations. Why? Because art is everywhere, and has already taken root in our lives.

Therefore, the questions is not so much “why art?” but “which art?” We are presented with a choice. And this choice is a responsibility of cultural stewardship. Just as we have responsibility for natural resources, so do we have to take stewardship care of our culture.

What, then, does the current cultural ecosystem look like? NEA Research such as Reading at Risk, is pointing to a cultural epidemic of disengagement. The studies point to how we are reading less and less, but even more pronounced, in my mind, is how we are less engaged with civic activities, with nature (and even sports!).

The Columbine High School incident and 9/11 taught us that we can either use our imagination for destroy lives or to save lives. We have on the one hand a girl reading Macbeth (she wanted to be an actor) in the library, and on the other a teen pointing a gun at her head and asking her “do you still believe in God?” And she said “yes” and was shot. Her words affirmed the source of her life and salvation, and inspired countless others to express that belief: His actions prompted others to copy the destructive acts of horrors. On 9/11 we had, on the one hand, militant hijackers who took their imaginative vengeance into determined evil acts. On the other hand were firefighters who climbed the falling towers. We have to realize that before any of these acts were committed, they were imagined. We swim in the ecosystem of imagined actions. We do have a responsibility to that power. We do have a choice between saving lives, or destroying lives.

If we do not teach our children, and ourselves, that what we imagine, and how we design the world, can make a difference, the culture of cynicism will do that for us. If we do not take the initiative to love our neighbors by imagining better neighborhoods and cities, despair will take the imaginations of their children and turn them into destructive forces.

A few hopeful examples in the ecosystem of culture today:

1) Rafe Esquith, a National Medal of Arts recipient two years ago for his efforts among the Hobart Elementary School children of inner city Los Angeles, challenges immigrant children, many of whom do not speak English, to memorize and perform Shakespeare. In the recent ceremony announcing "American Masterpieces," a new N.E.A. initiative to bring masterpieces of visual art, dance and music to American cities, regional museums and schools, the First Lady and other guests sat in awe as two of Mr. Esquith's students performed Henry the Fifth. Beyond knowing their demanding lines, they gave life to the words and elevated us all in the audience. Their childlike but confident orations had a beauty and a deeper resonance, something that this nation desperately needs to hear and understand today when these sounds are too often drowned out by crass commercial noise. Our children's voices can be elevated, drawing the world's attention to excellence, and the nobility of civilization.

2) About 20 years ago, Mayor Joseph Riley of Charleston, South Carolina woke up one day and realized that being a mayor means that you are the chief architect and designer of your city. He came to the NEA and asked for help because he knew nothing about design. What a humble man. He states: “We mayors exhaust ourselves with lots of decisions – political, personnel, budget. But 100 years from now, there will be no real evidence of how we made those decisions. In contrast, a decision about the physical design of a city will influence the city and its people for generations.” Now the Mayors Institute has helped over 625 mayors become the chief urban designers of their cities. 8 mayors are locked up in a room with 8 designers without the media or their aids. They share solutions, and dreams. Then they go home to their towns to see how the real life solutions can also benefit the environment and the general quality of life. This effort was so successful that it has grown to affect leadership at the state level. I just attended a press conference with NEA chairman Dana Gioa and Former Governors Christine Todd Whitman of New Jersey and Parris N. Glendening of Maryland to begin a Governor’s Institute on Community Design that brings this transformation into the state level.

The Governor’s Institute is co-sponsored by the NEA and the EPA. Strange bedfellows? No, it’s smart to connect the two —again, it’s the issue of stewardship. The best design is most efficient, and friendly to the environment. The best design considers what the community needs first, and even her voiceless inhabitants. The best design brings beauty into our lives.

A journey of an artist in the ecosystem of culture:

I get to spend my days, thinking and imagining, painting and writing. I think about a journey that started as a child, simply wanting to draw and express, having encouraging parents, and being blessed with a wife who suffers alongside with me. The life of an artist is never easy, but I take it seriously because I know that imagination has consequences.

But I do, on occasion, go back to that question "Why Art?" Because it was a question I addressed to myself in a diary for a creative writing class in college, many years ago. My professor, wrote back in his comments: “Your questions are valuable, and I encourage you to push that question further, as many of the writers and artists have done in the past: 'Why Live?'”

Perhaps that’s why we need the arts in Leesburg. By continuing to create and imagine a better world, we live .

Green idea

I just read about how a church in Malaysia reduces its rubbish by replacing disposable cups with reusable ones. It's an extremely feasible idea and it seemed to have worked.

It'll be great to implement this in other churches.
Over time, it makes a significant green difference.

Quote of the day, and Rag

"The Best and most Beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart..."
--- Helen Keller

Today I just received an email from one of my ACJC teachers, who won an award for his spirit of community service. I remember friends telling me nice things about him although I don't know him personally. He ended his email with the above-mentioned quote.

Okay, he was actually quoting William Arthur Ward in his email, whom he supports, "When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."

On another note, about Rag...

(Lazy to explain what rag is about. Guess. Will explain if someone asks.)

Today I stayed at the SRC from 1.30am till 2.30pm like that for the sake of guarding/transporting the float and supporting the raggers.
Rag-helping is quite fun, especially when u see the people transporting the platforms looking like pirated-cd-sellers who're escaping the police. Hahaha. And also especially if u're involved in the rush in a less stressful way (like screwing on/off the beam for the front part of the float).

From observing the other floats since like 3am, I thought KR had a good chance of winning. But when the results were announced, all the other halls keep winning: eusoff, sheares, eusoff, ke7, eusoff, wth. Oklah. I really do think that they were pretty good too. Eusoff's under-the-sea colours are nice.. sheares's engineering for all their moving parts is amazing... ke7's ship, esp. the back part, is also very pretty... but still, KR's is very different from the rest and very detailed and nice too kay..

first heard KR's name for the Flag fundraising amount. (we raised like S$50k+ in a day okayy.. it was sooo tiring that day... oh. and i'm surprised that quite a lot of people gave like S$1 and S$0.50 coins, especially the older aunties. Not as kiamsiap as I thought Singaporeans would be. But the young working class people are still very kiamsiap.) ..

okok. back to rag... so then.. they announced the best Rag performance/presentation/what-is-the-difference-laaaa goes to.. not-KR-i-can't-remember... again where's KR??? Aiyah. Got no small awards, no chance for big awards already lah... got no mood to cheer edi lah.. and then when the last award - the overall thing which is the chancellor's shield i think - was announced.. everybody just cheer for the sake of cheering lah.. and then .. and then.. we wonnn! yay! wahahahaha.. makes the waking up early.. and the rag rushing worth it.. makes the seniors' 3 month effort damn worth it!!! WE DEFENDED THE CHANCELLOR'S SHIELD!! which is no mean feat kay.. before this, it was like an alternate year thing.. KR won a lot a lot 3 years ago.. and totally lost 2 years ago... and last year won a lot a lot... and this year.. well.. the pattern was indicating that history might repeat.. until the results were out!! haha. got a McD treat from the hall master at the end of the whole tiring thing.

oh bytheway, about the sun tan on my face... there're K and R patches of tanless-ness! Lesson learned: Never never paint your face when you're out and about during a hot day! aiya...

on another note. my room is really smelly. because i dropped my megahuge-dynamo bottle.. and the cover broke.. and the detergent spilled at the area around my doorstep.. and i think i didn't clean it well just now because i was tired and hungry.. and i have not cleaned it properly because i'm going to sleep and getting dirty before sleeping ain't a good idea....

but now. i regret. should've cleaned it properly eventhough i was tired and hungry.. it's so smelly... i'm leaving a big gap in my room door for better air circulation. sleep with door open.. -_- me no like. but better than smelly room. haihz.

**
9 Aug 2009 edit: Okay, I slept with door closed last night. I think the smell's from outside my room. I realized that because my room is now very well ventilated but it still stinks for like a few minutes at a time (Reminds me of MGS's wakaf).

12 Aug 2009 edit: amount raised during flag. paiseh. remember wrong.

**pardon the messiness, this is, after all, a rummaged bin.

Short recap of things that happened

(in almost chronological order)

Met up with Ah Wei, Geok Nga, Peoy Gee, Wei Sze.
Moved into Kent Ridge Hall.
Went for Windsurfing Camp. (yes, i can do basic windsurfing!)
Hall Camp i.e. KR FWOC
- Energy low-ness
- Dating game
- Rag rush
- Suppers
Matric Day
- Sg-EU Talk
- Suspected Swine flu & the many sick with me
- Lost and found phone
- Lost and found matric card
- Grassy student pass photo
Gifts finally given
Home
- Mummy's Haagen Daaz cake O.O
- Chin's i-thought-only-can-get-consolation-prize-but-got-2nd-place essay
Yin
- Henderson Bridge
- Da Vinci exhibition
O-Week skipping
CORS


BUSY-ness again.
I'm missing the tranquility from the earlier months.

Added Blog Roll

Okay. I am a malas person.
That's why before this. I only put a 'i'm linked from' widget.
That's why some of you probably didn't realize I had a blog. I didn't publicize it much. Lazy lah. :p

But I felt like linking up ppl.
So I just selected some blogs from the blogs I follow, and put them in my blog roll.

If u want me to remove ur blog, pls message/email/whatever me.
If I haven't already added yours, tell me.

Shalala lala...

The Great Debaters

is worth watching.



This movie was directed by Denzel Washington and produced by Oprah Winfrey. It is based on a true story. It was during a time when blacks and whites don't go to the same school. A black college, Wiley College set up a debate team. They trained and won many debates, and eventually debated against Harvard. (In the true story, it's not Harvard, but University of Southern California, who were the then reigning debate champions. )

I liked this movie's many memorable quotes.

"We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do. "

"I am here to help you to find, take back, and keep your righteous mind. "

"Who is the judge?

The judge is God.

Why is he God?

Because he decides who wins or loses. Not my opponent.

Who is your opponent?

He does not exist.

Why does he not exist?

Because he is a mere dissenting voice to the truth I speak!"

"In Texas they lynch Negroes. My teammates and I saw a man strung up by his neck and set on fire. We drove through a lynch mob, pressed our faces against the floorboard. I looked at my teammates. I saw the fear in their eyes and, worse, the shame. What was this Negro's crime that he should be hung without trial in a dark forest filled with fog. Was he a thief? Was he a killer? Or just a Negro? Was he a sharecropper? A preacher? Were his children waiting up for him? And who are we to just lie there and do nothing. No matter what he did, the mob was the criminal. But the law did nothing. Just left us wondering, "Why?" My opponent says nothing that erodes the rule of law can be moral. But there is no rule of law in the Jim Crow south. Not when Negroes are denied housing. Turned away from schools, hospitals. And not when we are lynched. St Augustine said, "An unjust law in no law at all.' Which means I have a right, even a duty to resist. With violence or civil disobedience. You should pray I choose the latter."

Yup. What's nice about the story is that it is based on a true story, and it makes history more believable and feel-able. Besides the scenes of the quotes above, the lynching scene is nice too.

Now, America's colleges admit both black and white. Now, Africa doesn't have its Aparthied. Malaysia finally removes the 30% requirement of bumiputera ownership for public listing. (If I'm not wrong, there's another new requirement such that the bumiputera ownership requirement is indirectly still 10-20% like that but heck it's still lower la.)

Although the world is less racist today, it still is.

Perhaps one day, it won't be at all.

Perhaps one day, there might be another movie, that shows how Malaysia changed into a place where all races are treated equally, from the way it is today.

It'll be so cool.

**

If you want to watch it...

You can stream it for free here. It's a 2-hour movie. Please note that after 74 minutes, you have to pause for about 50 minutes. So I suggest that you just mute it while it slowly loads for about 1 hr. Don't leave it for too long otherwise it'll go to the 'please wait for 54 minutes'. In my case it was infinity minutes. Remember that once the internet connection gets cut off (which happens very frequently with stupided streamyx), it will stop loading. So you'll have to refresh the page, or open another of the same page to continue loading the video. The seek can be adjusted to whichever part from which you want to load. Then on another day/after a meal or something, continue watching the rest of the movie. (BTW, if you have the movie, gimme a copy!)

Seperti cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan

One day, during the rainy season, I noticed that my garden had a lot of mushrooms.

Okay lah. That day only got three.

This is the one that's gonna die already.

See the rough surface? Its spores were already released. Hmm.. I shouldn't have taken the picture in this angle. But whatever lah. Its shape was like an umbrella that terbalik edi.

The next picture is like how it was before it 'meletup'. The surface was a little smoother.


And this one is like how it was before it kembang.

Okay. This specific mushroom didn't kembang lah. Because somebody ate the top.

And the guilty somebody is...


Tom Tom's curiosity deprived that specific mushroom's growth.

So it died. Then again... This dog...


This dog is also the one who fertilized all these mushrooms with his excreta.

He compensated by helping many many more mushrooms grow in my garden.



But after that, the mushrooms were plyers-plucked out. This garden does not want too many mushrooms.

So no more mushrooms. Maybe after another rain.

And the grass in my garden lived happily ever after.

(Note: The grass was still threatened by Tom Tom's excrement. But I want to end with a "happily ever after" so whatever lah.)

Dead Walker

This was how the sky and sea looked. Clear blue water. Bright yellowish sky.

I was on an expedition with some friends. It was a mixed bunch of girls and guys, Singapore and Malaysia friends. None of my family/sisters were there.

We had to keep on going and going and going in this expedition. I don't remember why we couldn't take a break. We were exhausted but there was nobody wanted to take a break. It's as though we'll lose/die once we stop. We didn't think about it. We just had to go on and on.

Due to exhaustion and injury, some of us half-died/HP=0 but were somehow able to keep on moving. We weren't too bothered about it either. We just kept walking.

There was this last task of swimming about 50 m to a cave, which was like a clothes shop. The clothes inside were arranged like in Padini. But it wasn't a shop. There were no signboards. We had to find and take some things amongst the clothes. I remember searching and searching. And finding some of the things. We were searching as a group. I forgot what were the things. Some 'half-died' here in this clothes cave. I was still alive, but my HP was close to zero.

Then we finally found all that we wanted and left the cave.

We swam back to the shore, where we finished the race (or was it expedition?). Then, a guy who resembles Ryan Seacrest said, "Ok. Done. You have finished. Those whose HP=0 can go/die." I ngam ngam die when I reached. Funnily, no one was upset about dying. We were kind of relieved actually. More at peace.

The shore was not a beach. It was like a swimming pool where you have to climb and pull yourself up to get out. Those who were still alive got out of it. Some of the 'half-dead' decided to not climb over the shore, and instead just float on their backs, face the bright yellowish sky, and die. I decided that I didn't want my body to rot in the seawater. (Okay, I wasn't very good just floating like that either.) So I climbed over the shore and lied on my back and relaxed/slept/died.




Then I woke up.
But an uneasy feeling remained until I typed this dream here.

**
This is the first time I'm typing out one of the weirdest, nonsensicalest dreams I have ever had.
I usually don't die in my dreams.
Then again, I usually don't remember my dreams.

Maybe this is because, while reading a book, I was encouraged to imagine my funeral, and imagine how I would like my eulogy to be - by family/friends/colleagues/strangers. I tried to. This was supposed to help me reveal what I truly valued and wanted in the end. At first, I imagined the nicest things. Then, when I retried, I didn't care what people said of me, it was just blank.

What difference would it make if anyone was dead/alive. Maybe, once we die, we just disappear? What happens to the soul? Maybe it just becomes nothingness, like the way the world (maybe) formed from nothingness. So why bother? How did the idea of heaven and hell come about? How did all the religions form? Why are people so passionate about their beliefs? Why care? Why is there an earth? Why is there existence? How? Why? What made it? What made the answer to the previous question? Oops, it's a recursive question that knows no end.

**

Maybe I shouldn't have read the book. As I was bogged by this, this existential crisis, it made me unable to give any sort of evidence of 'intellectual curiosity' during the interview two days ago.

**
In the end, all those existential questions don't matter while we are alive, because it's not something that we can act on. It's not something that will necessarily make a huge change the way we look at things. So let's not care about how the world came about. We all know we live and we die. We can work with just that.

Among all religions, the Christian one appeals to me with the way life came about, and the way God is the beginning and the end of everything. It's like an answer to this 'infinity'ness. Some people can live without that answer. I just think that since this answer fits the puzzle, even though I cannot prove it is the correct piece, I believe it is the answer. So I'll work with this too. It's even better by a lot.

**

And BTW, I just thought about this -- there's no such thing as 'meaning in life'. Life is a noun, like the way a chair is a noun. There is things the chair can do, like be a place you can put your butt on, or put the computer on, or rock with, or dump all the books at. There is no 'meaning in a chair'. There is no meaning in a tree or a flower or whatever. There is no meaning in people or animals or pets. There is no meaning in life. It's just a wrong construct of words. Life is but something through which we sense, we think, we act, we feel. There is importance of life to each life. There is happiness when we see a life made better. Yup. So it's happiness, or importance of life, not meaning in life.

Okay okay. I just dictionary-ed 'meaning', it also means 'significance' (i.e. importance), it doesn't only mean 'maksud' (I can't find another English word for it, so have to use Bahasa Melayu.). So the 'meaning in life' means 'significance in life'. Okay. Maybe that's like super obvious to some people. But it wasn't for me. It made my mind focus on the wrong angle. So I'll just post it up and remember my stupidity at this point in time.

**

This is just one queer yet amusing post.

Okay. I actually can type sommo wan, I feel like this is an incomplete post. I wanna write sommo wan. But I think can continue later. Because now I wanna go exercise liao. Because now I feel very unfit liao. Hahaha. Okok. Bbye.

Scribd : Albert Einstein - The World as I See It

Nope, I didn't forget my blog. I just didn't feel like posting stuff here.

Here's another piece of writing that I've found online. It's a nice read.
I'm only at page 22 now. Maybe I'll edit this post to add my thoughts on it when I finish reading it.

Albert Einstein - The World as I See It

Quote

There is a little curiosity behind every 'just wondering'; a little truth behind every 'just kidding'; a little knowledge behind every 'I don't know'; and a little emotion behind every 'I don't care'..

Got this from Adi's status update. Can't find the person who first said it.

Me Hitler

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Hahaha. I don't know why, I just prefer doing this on my blog rather than posting it on Facebook.

Today's Personality Test Results

I've got the same "INTJ" before. So it really describes me. The later part, I'm not sure. Haha.

INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Introverted (I) 55.88% Extroverted (E) 44.12%
Intuitive (N) 54.05% Sensing (S) 45.95%
Thinking (T) 60.98% Feeling (F) 39.02%
Judging (J) 52.63% Perceiving (P) 47.37%

type * score * type behavior motivation
1 * 21 * I must be perfect and good to be happy.
7 * 20 * I must be high and entertained to be happy.
3 * 19 * I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
8 * 18 * I must be strong and in control to be happy.

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 56% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 63% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||| 53% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 53% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 43% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||| 60% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 56% Your main type is 1 Your variant is sexual

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Speeches

I notice that more often than not, I put other ppl's stuff here. I don't write myself.
When I write, I write the lamest things.

Haha. I have some stuff I want to write.
But I don't think I've found the right words, right flow yet. :(
And I procrastinate.

Haiz.

---
I just did my second Toastmasters speech last evening. It wasn't fantastic. It was impromptu although it was supposed to be a prepared speech. I find it extremely difficult to force myself to practice.
The problem with my speech is the content. It has to do with self-worth and all.

Some said it's vague, some said it's boring. It's vague - i guess it's because I'm not very clear about my topic. But it still had a sense of purpose - to explain why we should never judge others nor ourselves. Some said it's boring because it was done more lecture-ish style, that I should instead incorporate more story/personal anecdotes/to make it something the audience doesn't know. I'm like heck lah. It's not to say everyone in the audience doesn't judge. But then again, most of the time, the brain knows, the heart doesn't. That's why there's the need to add in a personal story, a personal touch, something I am still unable to do. This is why my Commonapp essay (open-ended US application essay) has no power. :(


Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to speak about next. So, in search of inspiration, I found a site that lists the "top 100" speeches in America's history. The speeches are soooooo long. I'm too lazy to read. But I see there're convenient links to some points of history. I'll explore it further later. I've only read & listened to one of them:

The Perils of Indifference - by Elie Wiesel.

Here's an excerpt:

Can one possibly view indifference as a virtue? Is it necessary at times to practice it simply to keep one's sanity, live normally, enjoy a fine meal and a glass of wine, as the world around us experiences harrowing upheavals?

Hmm. I don't know. :(
I'd like to say that there's nothing much I can do at this point.

Then I was reminded about Obama's speech somewhere.

But I hope you’ll remember, during those times of doubt and frustration, that there is nothing naïve about your impulse to change this world. Because all it takes is one act of service – one blow against injustice – to send forth that tiny ripple of hope that Robert Kennedy spoke of.

I wondered, what's this "ripple of hope"? So I googled it.
Here's an excerpt of Kennedy's "Ripple of Hope" speech.

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. Thousands of Peace Corps volunteers are making a difference in isolated villages and city slums in dozens of countries. Thousands of unknown men and women in Europe resisted the occupation of the Nazis and many died, but all added to the ultimate strength and freedom of their countries. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

–Senator Robert F. Kennedy, June 6th, 1966

Hm... Obama surely knows how to make his speech sound flowery.
Hmm.. It sounds like there might be something I can do even during this holiday.

But what? What is it?

Why I don't like reading newspapers

I felt like doing a sequel. Haha.

1. Newspapers are boring.
2. Most of the time, you can't do anything about what you read.
3. Sometimes, it evokes sadness, and sometimes, it provokes dissatisfaction. Now no longer happy, how?
4. Watching TV is so much more interesting. Moving, colourful pictures, with story and drama too, all depicted, no need to imagine.
5. They make you think. So tired after work/study already.. what for tire myself out??
6. If they don't make you think, they're boringg. oops repeating point 1. But it has to be emphasized.

Ok. ok. enough. BUh bye. Maybe i'll edit later to make the quality of this post better.
Aiyah. Lazy lah.

The paradox of time

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

George Carlin

----------
This is another of Anna's Facebook notes which I liked. This negative part of human development is sad. There's definitely those who are on the other side of things. But reading this sometimes makes you wish people returned to super old times when things were simpler and more straightforward.

Then again, I'm not too sure whether the lack of development and the overall picture would be worth it.

Aiyah, why contemplate about this. So late already. I'm done with relaxing after the scholarship application. Goodnight.

Forgive the Excesses

I just finished my Maxis application. Hurrah! Yeah, I submitted it almost three hours late. I did not know it was compulsory to upload a certificate la. Didn't see the 'submit' button until I tried uploading it.

I'm such a procrastinator. But like, ideas don't come until the last minute.

On another note, I found this on Facebook notes. It was posted by Anna. I liked it.
It says a bit about a part of my current insanity and what I think of it.

--

Oh, Lord, these excesses!

These sad excesses. So destructive of body and spirit, and bringing such sorrow into the circles of love...

Help us all to remember that excess in anything is sickness of the spirit. Whether it be eating too much or drinking too much or talking too much (and wanting love too much---wandering, seeking the not-to-be-found assurance of infidelity.)

Surely in going to these excesses we are sorrowing for ourselves, because life itself seems too much.

We reach for these crutches to enable us to sustain it. Or to comfort ourselves, to escape or to minimize its pain. Self-indulgence is surely only a form of self-pity and self-scorn.

Oh, God, forgive us these mortal weaknesses, and help us to forgive them in each other. Help us to understand that they spring from suffering at the core of the very soul.

Share with us your wisdom so that we will know how to help each other, sustain each other, comfort each other, provide such loving awareness of each other that we wont need the false assurance of these excesses.

Thank You for delivering us from self-indulgence and restoring our self-respect.

'I've got to talk to somebody, God'

Majorie Holmes

Typically Considerate

Today, I had lunch at Geok Har's family's restaurant -- The Hakka restaurant in front of Delta HQ (which, by the way, is not bad and reasonably priced). Shirley, Ann, and me ordered food while waiting for Chin who was still in Mr. Moay's class. Most of the food came kind of fast. There were the meatballs, chicken, vegetable, and pig-intestine soup. We didn't wait till Chin came out lah. Later food cold already - not nice. So we ate.

Favourite dish was the soup.

Ann happily took like, almost half of it.
As I started to take a bit...

Ann: Remember to leave some for ah Chin.

Me: Yeah. The rest for ah Chin lah.

Shirley: What?!? You took like almost half of it. Didn't think of leaving some for ah Chin then ah?

Me: Ya loh! On Thursday night, when eating a plate full of pieces of like.. of 4 mangoes, didn't think of leaving some for me ah?

Ann: *guilty smile*



This especially applies to ice cream toooo. Actually, it happens with all of Ann's favourite foods... Hahaha. Terribly considerate sister.

Haha. (Video)

(Video)


Haha.. it's so retarded... especially the five smile thing.

Why I read the newspapers

Sometimes, i forget why. then i wonder. why the heck i bother reading lah.
then after that, when i remember, i'm like.. isn't it like so common-sensical why people read?
then again, different people read for different reasons.
anyways, i shall gibber about it here. to remind myself when i forget - when i stop reading for long periods.

1. Know what's going on.
- to exercise democracy - must know what good/bad things that're going on with the government/political parties right?
- to react accordingly la..like those swine flu/sars flu stuff
- to find opportunities - otherwise i wouldn't have applied/gotten the asean scholarship (oklah. that time is shirley find wan.. ) - not just scholarships la... anything else also.

2. Get things in perspective.
- when read about the bombs in Pakistan, or about the Israel stuff, or about the undernourished/educated kids in Africa - it's a reminder to be grateful, that my difficulties/blunders/whatever could've been much worse. it also reminds me that there's so much that can and should be done. sometimes, they're so far and frequent that i become desensitized. but they're real.
- it expands the mind. duh. otherwise the world is just my home, my school/work, my family and friends.

3. Entertainment
- no. not just the comic section. it's just a pleasure to read sometimes. when there're a few good articles - insightful, satirical, or funny lah.

Since these are all that came to my mind just now. I think that these sum up my current main reasons. no. even though i sometimes like to read, i don't read all the time.. i flip flip flip through the local paper. and i go to www.iht.com, see the headlines, see the list of most emailed/blogged articles. and read if the article seems interesting. time is expensive. only read nice wan oni.

*

reminds me of my forwards.. oni forward nice nice wan oni.
eh. but i didn't forward for such a looong time already although i got quite a few not-bad forwards.

lazy oredi. oh wellz.

Rants - Closure for US applications

I've written about an introduction to US undergrad education for my juniors in the acjcboleh blog. It's more like a consolidation of links. hahha. Oh well, why write when there're so many authors who've said it well? :p

Btw, recently, the Wall Street Journal got 10 university presidents to answer their own admission essay questions. I SOOOOO wish I read this to have a better glimpse of essay-writing... oh well..

List of essays:

1. Barnard College's Debora Spar on daily routines
2. Carleton College's Robert A. Oden Jr. on getting lost -- and found -- in Cairo
3. Grinnell College's Russell K. Osgood on a historical figure that has influenced him
4. Oberlin College's Marvin Krislov on a historical figure that has influenced him
5. Pomona College's David Oxtoby on an experience that was 'just plain fun'
6. Reed College's Colin Diver on an experience in diversity
7. The University of Chicago's Robert J. Zimmer on "Living the Question"
8. University of Pennsylvania's Amy Gutmann on her autobiography
9. Vassar College's Catharine Hill on an influential person in her life
10. Wesleyan University's Michael S. Roth on an influential person in his life

---
*On second thought, few of the above are nice. Oh wellz. Read urself to figure out which is nice.

No. I'm not sharing mine. not now, at least.

-

After all the stress put into the essays, the SAT exams, the money, the timeee, the mind bogglement, i only got waitlisted at three places. and i just submitted a sucky letter to two of them. and a pretty good one to one of them. but, chances are like 1%? sigh. oh wellz. might as well count it as zero.

oh well, life goes on. i've been blessed and good in some ways too.

look forward, i will.

One of my favourite bible verses is Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

To know that it is and to accept that it is are two very different things.
For the first, one can be hypocritical.
Once the second is achieved, one becomes more liberated.

I have just finished my long-overdue last letter.

I only hope that it's worth all the mental disorder.
And I shall keep reminding myself of the above verse.

Now, I have to make an exam paper that is due tomorrow afternoon.
And plan my last week of classes.

Sleepedidoodah sleepedideh

You know what?
Around me, all the people who admit they sleep a lot are super tall lah.

My youngest sister, the pig, who sleeps almost 11 hours a day everyday(until i returned from singapore), is taller than me by a lot a lot.
so not fair.
a few friends in singapore also like that.
in malaysia? ok lah. not so many uber tall friends, can't say.
actually, among my sisters, i sleep the least lah. all my sisters sleeeeeeeep a lot. maybe that's why i'm the shortest :(
unlike they, who sleep until 10-11am, i so semangat wake up by 8-9am, because i don't wanna miss hours of life when i can be playing, having fun, reading, or something, more concretely beneficial than sleeping.
i totally regret. sleep more. better. grow taller.

basketball didn't help.
swimming didn't too.
taekwondo didn't either.

exercises don't help.
sleep helps.

i'm gonna sleep more once i can.


aiyoh.. at this age, still can ah?
but still have to sleep early "for health" as mummy says.

Favourite Quotations

A witty saying proves nothing.

Voltaire

The only thing necessary for the perpetuation of evil is for good people to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their colour.

Maya Angelou

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.

Anne Frank

Patriotism is to support your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

Always show the you in you that makes you the you that you are.

Chidinma Obietikponah

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.

Marian Wright Edelman

If you will think about what you ought to do for other people, your character will take care of itself. Character is a by-product, and any man who devotes himself to its cultivation in his own case will become a selfish prig.

Woodrow Wilson

Beggary - Malaysian Regular Kopitiam Scene

i'm an ignorant person. I don't give two hoots about what it's like to be the old lady, and the 3.5-feet tall kid who jingle their almost-empty cups, and look intently into my eyes, in hope that i might give them money out of pity. but i'd shake my head. and they'd move on to the next table at the kopitiam. over a few weeks, this scene repeats. then after seeing me frequently, they'd just skip asking me.

this is but a regular scenario at the hawker centre that sells my favourite ang-jiu-mi-hun-ke. a stall i regularly went to lunch in after Sunday Physics tuitions back in 2006. i still sometimes see the same lady and child, when i eat there.

i don't give money to beggars. because i don't earn my own money. and if i really cared, i should get them somewhere to stay and have enough food so that they never need to beg again. it would be like half-past-six to just give RM1-5. Better than nothing? but what's the point of living when all you do is beg to continue staying alive? They'd be begging the next day, and the day after, and so on.

i wonder, what keeps them alive? a hope for a brighter future?

what should i do about them? should i just ignore because there's nothing i can do?
what if I was in that person's position?

then again, that beggar might be just part of an organized syndicate where they send out people in tattered clothes to get money, and then return to live as 'normal' people.

donating would be like helping them in their criminal activities, right?

so how? just don't bother?

i'm curious to know how the beggar came about to become a beggar.
was she violated and then forced into this? did she just give up on making an honest living because she found begging more productive? was she robbed? did she overspend her money?

but i never spoke to any beggar. i wonder why.
fear of being clinged on? safety? fear of something worse? fear of feeling more obliged to help?

i don't know.

how do you prevent people from becoming beggars? education? some kind of welfare policy? economic policies that reduce inequality? what?
what's the cause of beggarism in the first place?

what can i do? what would you do?

but i guess this is one of the reasons why i choose to study economics.
so that perhaps after studying it further, i might understand the financial world better, while making some money somehow.

---
my mind's still jammed. i randomly thought of this. i think i'm gonna submit my average letter instead of trying to make a new and better one. there goes my chances of heightening my chances of getting in. sigh.

EDIT 28 Jan 2010
Picture gallery on homelessness in Malaysia
http://www.thenutgraph.com/hope-and-homelessness

Hmm

I wished I took up a sales-y temporary job. Then today wouldn't have been soo bad.
I shall try once my teaching's done on May 10.




okok. Back to work.

The Man in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
and the world makes you king for a day.
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
and think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eyes.

He’s the fellow to please — never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end;
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

- The Man In The Glass, Peter Wimbrow

I saw Ankita like-ing this on someone's Facebook note.
I like it too.


My friend in the mirror used to smile most of the time.
But now, she's frowning silently.

Susan Boyle

Susan Boyle - Singer - Britains Got Talent 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Really really good!






Soo disney..

Project What's After SPM

Check it out at http://www.whatsafterspm.blogspot.com/

It's a project to spread the word about the abundance of opportunities and things we can do after SPM, especially for people without internet access. A really good idea. They need people to help out though.

You can:

1. Write about what you've done after SPM. (Extended Deadline: 30 April 2009)

2. Contribute some money.

3. Volunteer to help translate into Malay/Chinese. (Work starts after the English edition is done.)
4. Publicize it by telling your friends/seniors/ur uncle/aunty about it or forwarding it via email or posting it on your blog or spreading the word in your own creative way. ;)

----
I think I'll write in, later. Now busy. :(

Messed up

my mind is.




I have to organize my thoughts.

Articles I liked recently

• Interview with Jane Elliot

• The Disadvantages of an Elite Education

• Hannah Yeoh: The best is yet to come - Haha. So similar to ACJC's motto.
  

Equality essay rant

Edmund Burke said,
"The only thing necessary for the perpetuation of evil

is for good people to do nothing."

I'm tired of fixing my equality essay. It's rather idealistic, informative and unconvincing, slightly contradicting, and gaseous(new way of describing a not-so-good essay!). And to think that I've submitted it to USP already... Whatever lah. I'll leave that to chance.

In any case, while I was reading some racism kind of stuff, I found out about Jane Elliot. She introduced the blue/brown-eyes exercise which makes people experience what it's like to be on the inferior end of racism/male-ism(can't think of the word now).

I think I should read up more about racism and inequality stuff if I were to do a good equality essay. Sigh. Writing's not my thing lah.

Maybe after I'm done with letters to colleges, I'll do it.

For now, I've got my hands full.



Aiyo.. How am I gonna do many many essays when I enter uni later...

-_-

laziness






the stupidest excuse

Last-minuter

Hi blog.. Long time no seeeee.. I can't remember what I posted previously. But whateverlah.

Heh heh. I'm simply, a lazy person.

Got my college application results a few days ago.
They're mostly bad. I think my commonapp essay was terribly terrible.
But I've got a few waitlists. So I have a second chance perhaps.
Worst case scenario is I just go to NUS/NTU, which is still a good deal.

Nonetheless, I have to make my love letters as persuasive as possible - that the school just had to admit me. And there's 7 days to do that. I received quite some advice on these supplements. I think I first need to make my mind think that I can get into those universities. Right now, it still isn't in the right frame. How can I do a persuasive and effective essay with this kind of mind?

While browsing around facebook, for inspiration, I've watched some commencement addresses.
I like Obama's speech at Wesleyan last year. It's rather beyond-thyself kind, making-a-difference-bit-by-bit kind, and bracing-yourself for the future kind. I like. Perhaps I might re-listen/read as I make my appeal letters. I was going to watch Oprah's at Stanford. But internet connection's bad now, so I read it instead. More of life lessons. Hmm. I also like this, also at Wesleyan.
I often like commencement speeches. Because they're so hope-inspiring and arranged well.

Oh! I just submitted my USP application yesterday, at 4 minutes past midnight. I'm such a last-minuter. But hey, in the last hour, I was trying so sooo hard to upload my supporting documents. At about 11.55pm, I finally decided to mail them in instead. Then, I suddenly couldn't access their website. -_- I managed to click on 'submit' at 12.04am. Their system is soo annoying. But I hope they don't disqualify procrastinators from their programme. Hmm. It felt cathartic to finish and submit my essay on equality though. Finally, a reasonably organized essay on that topic. Attempts on this topic before this were too messy and unpresentable.

I hope that I've been teaching Science well. I'll know today as I mark my students' test papers. I hope that me-adapting-to-mixing-malay-in-my-teaching-a-lot-a-lot did not start too late. Four more weeks before I stop being their science teacher.


Now off to work on applications, love letters, teaching preps, and etc.

New Year in February

I'm a little bit 'slow'? Hahahha. I'm sure some of you guys are just waiting to tease me 'blur' or whatever. But yeah.

You know what? I often end up not doing things I wanted to do.
Usually it's because I'm not that prepared to do it.

I'm gonna start working on an updated version of 'things i wanna do' which I shan't post here. I'll only post after I do them. More incentive to really do them later, if/when I suddenly lose enthusiasm, instead of just feeling a great want to do it now.
I feel like todayy is a day to restart. I thought about a lot of things last night, and before I knew it, I laid on bed from 12-3am instead of starting to sleeping. I usually fall asleep by, latest, 1am. So it was funky.
I hope I will continue to sustain myself with this energy I feel today.

Weird. But heck lah.

Random

Today, I read these and liked them.

1. Learning Malaysian History: A Lopsided Formula
   http://educationmalaysia.blogspot.com/2009/01/learning-malaysian-history-lopsided.html
   
   
2. Sage Advice from a Dropout
   http://rantingsbymm.blogspot.com/2007/07/sage-advice-from-dropout.html

Thinking of another as arrogant, is arrogant?

To think of someone else as arrogant, is not to be arrogant oneself. It’s simply thinking badly of that person, like the way one would think badly of a less ethical person (who does not offer old woman his seat, who steals, etc).

I think that humility is about understanding that the way one person is, is due to the factors (parents, friends, surrounding environment, etc) that influence that person, and natural genetics that affects the way one thinks. And God is in control of most of the factors. So to think that one is better than another person when one cannot compare these factors - is arrogance. To think that we are all of equal despite the difference personalities and qualities(after all, we think, feel, and act the way we do due to the factors) - is humility.

Hence, while one thinks that a person is arrogant, think badly of the arrogant quality itself, not the worth of the person. In that sense, one shouldn’t be considered as arrogant.

(This was actually a response to someone's post about arrogance. I remember thinking a lot about this. That's why I put it up here.)

Ignorance, acceptance

Sometimes I wish I was, is, and always will be,
the most ignorant idiot in the world
Then I might be an absolutely happy fool
Then there's no need to mangle myself

But then, that's not human
Half ignorant, half aware
I learn, I realize, I grow
A little bit at a time

It creates mood waves
Love the peaks
Hate the dips

It makes life more interesting eh?
More miserable moments
More funky moments

Then, I give up
the steering wheel,
the burdens,
the judgments,
the thinking,
the everything to God,
the God who created me for His purpose.

Then it feels simpler, calmer and better
Then it all makes sense

And then there's joy.

--

Attempt to write some retarded poetry in the blog #1

New Weltanschauung!

I have a newww idea while I was thinking (or some of you prefer to call 'blur'-ing).
It's got something to do with glass and life.

I hope I will type it out. It will take long. After all, writing is not my thing.
It's got to do with different shapes and types of glass, different liquids being poured into it, and different sources of the liquid.

It's overwhelming.

Maybe I'm just being a nut-case after I finished my uni applications.

Speaking of that, I finished it at 12.00am Eastern Time, 3 January 2009!
AAAAH! I was supposed to submit my last one at 11.59pm Eastern Time, 2 January 2009, or before... But I delayed it. Because I had a new idea just an hour or so before the deadline. So I made a spanking new essay. Because i didn't like my previous one. Annndd, I actually could've made it, if the common app didn't report "Error: Mailing address field 1 is too long, please shorten it." STUPIDED commonapp. Now my entry will be stamped 3rd Jan!! That means, late.

It's destined. Looking at the time I spent on my essays, I probably won't get to the unis I hope to get into anyway. Dang.

Nvmd. Singapore's still good. But that means I have to hope I didn't screw up A'levels as badly as I think I did. (Computing and Econs worries me the most.)


So what I wanna do over the next few days:
1. Write a short fiction, or non-fiction book about the glass and life thingeny.
2. Find the old people's home in my area
3. Go to Tesco to apply for a job.
4. Look for a better job than at Tesco.
5. Get my P license from the driving centre.
6. Really improve on my driving skills, so that I myself (and mom) trust that I won't hit anything while driving, and I get to go to church on Sundays. In the past few weeks, by the way I drove, and some of the things I missed, I really could've gotten into plenty of accidents. Haha. God's really watching over me. Thank goodness.
7. Help my sis get Taekwondo club official-ised in school again.
8. Read the numerology book, a bit, though not that interested, i'm interested in knowing a bit.
9. Partner with my sis for Rick Warren book thingeny.
10. Really delve into the books I wanna read: the Bible (i keep getting bored/side-tracking), Desiring God by John Piper (I read a bit a bit, then reflect a lot and scrutinize a lot, and the next thing I know, I just woke up again.), reread the last part of the Chronicles of Narnia.
11. Settle some unfinished businesses from Singapore; notes, clearing up, stuff
12. This should be number 1 actually: Do all the things I want to do.

Tada.