Sure, He put people in different socio-economic contexts, different genes, different blah blah blah. Whatever, it does not make it any more acceptable.
Rarhhhh. I feel so much frustration and hate recently.
That said, to quote a friend, empathy is probably an antidote against limbo-like frustration.
While I think there are friends who will identify with me, I am too tired to reach out and explain, and perhaps be understood at least emotionally, and perhaps find a better solution to the situation.
That said, I thank God for accessible music. I thank God for people who are so creative with composing music that just enables me to feel what some might call a cathartic release. At the moment, thank God for Olafur Arnalds and the Spotify team.
I remember talking about how much I preferred happy media. Yet in the darker moments, simply hearing this sort of dark and bleak music, reminds me that it's okay to feel so terrible and monstrous at times.
--
Today's interviews were not the best.
In the first, I think I accidentally used too many generalization statements.
In the second, I think I could've tied back my answers to her questions more frequently, especially in the one with the HR.
In both, I think I could have used more concrete examples to substantiate my points. In both, I could have come in with a more energetic, positively happy tone, even if it is faked. After all that's what Sheryl Sandberg talked a lot about, how even faking the mood makes that mood even more possible.
That reminds me of Tim Keller's saying of loving even when one does not feel like loving.
Hmmm. Still. ARGH.
Ah well. I shall finish my review on these interview experiences soon. And then get back on track to applying for more good roles - with passion, especially after reading J's encouraging note on sticking to the ideals - not for self even though the self is very much a part of it, but for the ideal of serving a larger purpose, strategically.
--
Sigh. The irony of needing to back up all of the things I do, and needing to change the way I am.
And knowing when to simply shut up and act. Or shut up and let things be.
When all others do not, in some cases do not even try, to simply make things better in this broken and difficult world.
--
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.--
- Romans 8:28
Perhaps a difference that Olafur Arnalds' music has, compared to other dark music which I appreciate relatively less, is that it does end on a slightly positive note: a hint of a hope that never dies, even if it is mixed with a lot of sadness. I think that's the tone of how Jesus died, in remembering how He cried at His death, compared to the others who have more happily, willingly sacrificed themselves.
I fear I'll never grasp it, how He loves, how He remains patient, how He never gives up on the stupid, annoying people, like myself, whom He created.
