People Skills

In my philosophy class, a book related to dealing with people was once mentioned in passing. I remember I felt that this book was portrayed as fairly fluffy, unlike how Socrates was so smart and wise (well, not really) with his leading questions.

 

I also felt that, like Toastmasters, it was a tool, for influencing people to think the way you want them to. The question is, why would you want to influence them in the first place? If it was for one's own selfish benefit, then I wasn't interested. A manipulative tool? Meh.

 

However, over the years, I discovered (and continue to discover in an experiential way) God's loving purpose for humanity, that is to love God, and to love one another. Indeed, according to the scriptures and to a small extent, my own journey, we were made for His purpose, and will find our deepest satisfaction in our spiritual walk in God. Given this discovery, I found this desire to share this good stuff, to point people in this direction as well.

 

Unfortunately, like many people with the best of intentions, I often hit a sometimes painful brick wall. People problems plague and hinder many well-intentioned efforts. This is why the workplace often speak of people skills as something highly prized. This skill is often well-practiced by the best business amd political leaders, who often teach this skill to their own children, more often informally and indirectly. This skill is also often picked up through group activities - whether sports, or clubs, or just a group of friends.

 

Indeed, as I observed the way some of my friends interacted, I noticed how some of us who are well-grounded and well-intentioned found ourselves lacking in some ways to reach out to others. While others, who may not be as intentional, are much more effective in achieving the same goal. Some call it charisma, I call it people skills. I guess you can call it leadership skills as well, as some of the things mentioned here, can be observed in a mentor who indirectly motivated me to do something, to a limited extent.

 

These subconscious thoughts led me to pick up this book in a random bookstore (while I got a haircut haha). Here's the summary of it, which I googled, because I don't think I have the time to read it this semester. I might eventually read it in the end. Hm. You can google the book title for a free pdf online. :)

 

PRINCIPLES FROM "HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE."
by Dale Carnegie

BECOME A FRIENDLIER PERSON

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people. 
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
9. Make the other person feel important - and do so sincerely.
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

 

WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

1. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." 
2. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
3. Begin in a friendly way.
4. Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.
5. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
6. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
7. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. 
8. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
9. Appeal to the nobler motives.
10. Dramatize your ideas.

BE A LEADER

1. Throw down a challenge.
2. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
3. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
4. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
5. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
6. Let the other person save face.
7. Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be "lavish in your praise."
8. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
9. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
10. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Source: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/l/luenemannu/pdf/CommunicationPrinciples.pdf


I think it can be summarized as caring for people first, before expecting people to care for what you think. Or Stephen Covey's seek first to understand, and then to be understood. As I read the list of instructions, I think wah, easy to say la. But why do these things? There's also a lot of "be genuine", "sincerely", "honestly", etc. The idea is to be authentic, and to respect people for their own way of doing things first. Indeed, it requires a great deal of humility, to think of others as better than ourselves. It's a no wonder that there's the saying that the first will last and the last will be first. Servant leadership.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
Philippians 2:3

I think the difficult part, is putting these principles into practice. I hope to, as pa always said in the past, APPLY. Do it, or all your "education" and books are wasted.
Do it, when the situation comes up!

What I remembered while recollecting my old self

Given the dreariness of these days,
given the very little visible importance of micro/macro economic theory to future applications,
given the very little usefulness of becoming more knowledgeable regarding the stockmarket,
given the disappearance of some close friends,
or perhaps the increased awareness regarding the loosening of ties,
given the desire to hope that the future, not just the infinite future, but also the immediate future had something to look forward to,
I decided to review what changed about myself in the last few years.

Quite a bit actually. Something that cannot be shared in just a few paragraphs on a public blog.

At the same time, I remembered that I once had a xanga! And I found it! And I found a protected old post detailing my memories surrounding his death. It was encouraging and refreshing, listening to the me of 7 years ago (Wah so much time has passed! A baby born 7 years ago would be in Primary 1 now) And at the same time I laugh at my old silly, academically ambitious, selfish self. And at the same time miss some of the me of the past.

I'm glad I blogged in the past.

I think I'll write somewhere about hopes for the future when I'm free.
Perhaps detailing it will be good, it's a lot easier to focus and to strive, when I can keep my eye on the goal. Hopefully it will prevent myself from becoming too selfish with my life and instead use it wisely.
I'd hate to say I wasted life at the end of the my life!



P.S. My xanga is an unsearchable blog. I have not decided whether or not to make it public. I might share snippets of memories if you ask.

Thinking for tomorrow

They are my brothers and sisters indeed. (:

Sigh.

I guess it isn't too bad a thing that others see the first part of that list of things in mind.

Thesis topic?

My thesis topic, took a very different turn - into financial economcis!
Actually it seems more like finance than economics.
I'm going to study about the Book-to-Market effect in Malaysia/Singapore/I-dunno-la.
Provided that data is available.

Haha. I only started considering this area of research at 4.30pm, after consulting another lecturer (besides the one mentioned in the last post!). This topic is actually a lot easier than calculating the adequacy of retirement funds in Malaysia, such that I am unsure about whether it is sufficient. It is time-consuming enough to be honours thesis worthy though.

Sigh. I guess I'm going to end up not doing anything about inequality or social security.
This topic is manageable, given that I know what it was like to study the January effect two years ago. I figured that this is probably better than the inequality one, because I can't do macroeconomic theory. I kept falling asleep while attempting to read the theses. The financial economics stuff are much more readable - well actually not that much better, but at least I've had a taste of how it can be like,and the math is much simpler.

Funny huh. I chose this degree program because I thought I was 'good' at math. And now I'm so averse to too much math, which is present in economic theory.

So here goes.

I think my happiness upon finding a topic and sorting it out with my supervisor/professor who met me at 10pm at the Starbucks near my residence is keeping me awake. FINALLY!! AFTER 18 days of research!

Oh dear. It's been an hour and a half!

Theses topic search stress relief

Still no supervisor.
I wish I thought about research topics more thoroughly.
Sigh.
So my thesis topic research trail has been as follows:
ageing theses
-> CPF, Advanced Life Deferred Annuity
-> Inequality: suggested strengthening of social security measures like unemployment benefits, workfare income supplement, and retirement/medical benefits
-> Retirement adequacy
-> Rejected mode as I yesterday found out how thoroughly the professors have researched retirement adequacy. The medical idea was also rejected as a friend was focusing on that already
-> Inequality and how a 'meritocratic' education system can worsen inequality
-> Tried reading another professor's research, got tired before the second page.
-> Wrote a proposal on retirement adequacy in Malaysia
-> Current supervisor asked me to ask other people - it's not in his expertise, but there's not many I can ask
-> Currently waiting for one professor's reply.
-> Reading about Christianity and Economics. I'll see how long I read it before I'm bored. But since I stopped to blog, it's not a good sign.

I really hope to be inspired to do something interesting to myself!

It has been depressing, being rejected so many times.

Caught Offguard

Being indirectly rejected by a potential thesis supervisor
Feels like failing an impromptu interview

I didn't anticipate it
Through a meeting at another place, she obliged to help me explore thesis topics, with no promises.

But in her office
She wasn't really helping me determine a topic.
She was determining the kind of person I was based on my background - of where I'm from, what I intend to do after graduation, what's my grade, whether or not I'm on track for first class honours.
Her method of rejection, was to ask me to wait to see the other supervisor, who did not have me on his list, which she might have found out earlier, as she was in his room.

I should've been more aware, and asked why
Or at least pondered at her type of questions, and waited in the silence to let her lead the questions, rather than bombard straight into what I've been thinking about for the thesis - just because her invitation was to help me explore the thesis topic.

All the advice I got, was to concretise the topic.
But that's the area of help I need! :(

This was the worst, and most intense first day of any semester, ever.

Feels like all my efforts of preparing somewhat for thesis in the field of retirement or inequality is wasted.

But hopefully other, perhaps less experienced supervisors in this field will still be awesome.

But I'm just too tired. Why is the deadline today?

Why I don't use "fuck"

So I saw this on Facebook, and thought it was a nice poster! As a disclaimer, among most people whom I don't care that much about, or have more important issues I care about, I ignore its usage.

So why don't I use vulgar words?
1. Well one of the reasons is that it shows the limitations of the user's vocabulary. And changes the original meaning of the word.
2. But more importantly, it doesn't say much / or communicate what's happening. Using more expressive words, like 'owwww' or this is gone! or this is terrible! or someone is something something. (I.e. saying what is wrong is probably more communicative.)
3. In addition as we communicate it better during a bad time, we are more likely to process the situation better, and hence respond rather than merely react to the situation. (i.e. combine your smart brain with your emotions!)
4. It is rude. It shows the level of respect you have for the other party.

Note:
It is arguable that it creates some sense of camaraderie among people who use the same word as often. However, it also encourages this habit reacting without thinking to persist. 

Other notes:
Click on picture for source of poster.