People Skills

In my philosophy class, a book related to dealing with people was once mentioned in passing. I remember I felt that this book was portrayed as fairly fluffy, unlike how Socrates was so smart and wise (well, not really) with his leading questions.

 

I also felt that, like Toastmasters, it was a tool, for influencing people to think the way you want them to. The question is, why would you want to influence them in the first place? If it was for one's own selfish benefit, then I wasn't interested. A manipulative tool? Meh.

 

However, over the years, I discovered (and continue to discover in an experiential way) God's loving purpose for humanity, that is to love God, and to love one another. Indeed, according to the scriptures and to a small extent, my own journey, we were made for His purpose, and will find our deepest satisfaction in our spiritual walk in God. Given this discovery, I found this desire to share this good stuff, to point people in this direction as well.

 

Unfortunately, like many people with the best of intentions, I often hit a sometimes painful brick wall. People problems plague and hinder many well-intentioned efforts. This is why the workplace often speak of people skills as something highly prized. This skill is often well-practiced by the best business amd political leaders, who often teach this skill to their own children, more often informally and indirectly. This skill is also often picked up through group activities - whether sports, or clubs, or just a group of friends.

 

Indeed, as I observed the way some of my friends interacted, I noticed how some of us who are well-grounded and well-intentioned found ourselves lacking in some ways to reach out to others. While others, who may not be as intentional, are much more effective in achieving the same goal. Some call it charisma, I call it people skills. I guess you can call it leadership skills as well, as some of the things mentioned here, can be observed in a mentor who indirectly motivated me to do something, to a limited extent.

 

These subconscious thoughts led me to pick up this book in a random bookstore (while I got a haircut haha). Here's the summary of it, which I googled, because I don't think I have the time to read it this semester. I might eventually read it in the end. Hm. You can google the book title for a free pdf online. :)

 

PRINCIPLES FROM "HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE."
by Dale Carnegie

BECOME A FRIENDLIER PERSON

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people. 
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
9. Make the other person feel important - and do so sincerely.
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

 

WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

1. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." 
2. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
3. Begin in a friendly way.
4. Get the other person saying, "Yes, yes" immediately.
5. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
6. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
7. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. 
8. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
9. Appeal to the nobler motives.
10. Dramatize your ideas.

BE A LEADER

1. Throw down a challenge.
2. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
3. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
4. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
5. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
6. Let the other person save face.
7. Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be "lavish in your praise."
8. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
9. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
10. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Source: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/l/luenemannu/pdf/CommunicationPrinciples.pdf


I think it can be summarized as caring for people first, before expecting people to care for what you think. Or Stephen Covey's seek first to understand, and then to be understood. As I read the list of instructions, I think wah, easy to say la. But why do these things? There's also a lot of "be genuine", "sincerely", "honestly", etc. The idea is to be authentic, and to respect people for their own way of doing things first. Indeed, it requires a great deal of humility, to think of others as better than ourselves. It's a no wonder that there's the saying that the first will last and the last will be first. Servant leadership.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
Philippians 2:3

I think the difficult part, is putting these principles into practice. I hope to, as pa always said in the past, APPLY. Do it, or all your "education" and books are wasted.
Do it, when the situation comes up!