Writing

I'm so glad
Just to be back in a place
Where I desire to write and feel comfortable with writing online.

Liberty
Flow

I love words a lot more this year.
Words that are chewed and savoured.

Not every place is like this.
There are places where only the meaning behind the choice of words should be smelled.
But the words had to be disposed
Or be prepared
Eat knives

Reflections

Looking at some of my old friends profiles.
Was reminded of days when there was a certain kind depth in our weekly reflections together.
Often, there was a depressive undertone, a sadness, a cynicism

We empathise, sometimes
We build up each other, sometimes
Other times, we do not
Especially, when forgotten
The group is too big isn't it

Regardless
I appreciate the authenticity,
the courage, discipline, integrity
the purity of heart and mind
that gives a certain kind of rest to the soul
the sense of true surrender to God
with the reality of how things are.

No hiding, avoiding
Fear leaves the soul, the heart, restless
While giving an appearance of rest

And then there are friends
Who say they are happy with the superficial
The superficial is enough, they say

Perhaps in my melancholy
It may seem like I have looked past the superficial
As I yearned for more.

It feels like only when I fulfilled the deep need
Then only can I appreciate the superficial
Both are beautiful

Labor
Rest
Both are beautiful
In a certain kind of
Order
Proportion

Prioritize what is said

I notice some crowds are keen to hear me out at times. Some crowds have limited bandwidth.

In cases of limited bandwidth, it becomes a decision of

- saying more things that hit some of the right notes - enough to make up for the noise.

- saying less things that have a higher chance of hitting the right notes - this is sometimes by trial and error, sometimes by reexamining what I wanted to say.

Living and Trying and Failing and Failing and Being Alive

Sometimes.
It's easier to just give up. And take the conventional way. To be lazy. To be comfortable.
But no. I must get up. And stop being lazy. Try a different approach. And work hard at the new approaches, with the new lessons and feedback.

Sometimes.
It's easier to be quiet. To not bother about articulating or relating well. To follow "built-in" strengths and weaknesses. To not bother with change.
But then - I'd never be alive.

Sometimes.
I wish there was a certain kind of community of people I could lean on.
And then I realized I had to change the way I recharged.
And people take time to process.

Progress. Time. Money. Budget.

I like to recall.
That time of bold confession.
With no expectation or sense of entitlement.
Felt shy and awkward sometimes.
But worth it for the progress.
For the liberty.
For the truth released.
For failure.
For richer perspective.
For the reframe.
For having lived.

Quote of the day

Since I  visited the school today, I have more quotes to add!

"Education should cultivate the man and transcend the making of a livelihood, so that 'it may be useful to them in all their after life..." William F. Oldham

As written in a corner of the school:-

"Oldham's noble and simple vision for was to establish an institution to impart to the young in Singapore the education of the mind, heart and soul, through academic learning, moral grounding, and religious formation, an education that shaped the inner character of students, and produced thinking people, skilled for the challenges of life. Indeed, this vision continues to live on."
 
//

I take it as a sort of rest stop, to just stop and reflect on the purposes of life, and how my day to day aligns with life's big picture.

Not very well!

I miss the collegial spirit, and the sense of forgetting oneself, in order to serve the greater good.
How does one balance both a limited budget and the greater good?
I wasn't given an infinite budget, or was I?

Fairness

It is funny how people like to call a person a fanatic just because they can quote Bible verses in a heartbeat.

It is funny how people who call others imposing are imposing their own views on others, without much explanation.

It is funny how people call others rude, when they are twice as rude for ignoring polite requests altogether.

It takes hard work for relationships to work.

It os funny how people complain so many things are impossible without even trying, without putting any effort to think of solutions.

It takes disciplone to work out a solution.

Being quiet can pour cold water on a fire.
But in a room with stagnant water, over time, pests breed and infest. Water levels rise. The problem becomes a serious one.

Its funny how some people pretend everything is fine, when in fact it isnt.

They say to go fast go alone. To go far go together.

Then i need the people to grow up and no longer behave likr babies. They need to step up into shoes meant for them to grow into.

2 Cor 5.7

It's been a while.
I wonder how disappointed my old self might've been.
I wonder where the sense of fierce hope left.
I wonder where the charity, clarity, appreciation and energy left.
Whatever the case, press on. This life is not my own. We walk by faith and not by sight.
The tapestry has yet to unfold.