Not enough quotes?

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. - C.S. Lewis (The Weight of Glory)

"Faith like Job's cannot be shaken because it is the result of being shaken." - Rabbi Abraham Heschel 

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33 (NIV) 

Mundus vult decepi, ergo decipiatur - the world wishes to be deceived, and therefore is deceived




The above quotes are sentiments I share.

**

 I just remembered what the guy at the forum said, that when a nobel prize-winning behavioral psychologist came to Singapore to assess its leaders on an invitation, the psychologist commented that they were probably the most brilliant group of people he was amongst. However they also had one of the lowest compassion scores. 

Lol. This, I think, is a very good description of many 'intelligent' people.

But again, I shouldn't alienate or be intimidated by them, as I tend to do. They're people too. 
I think Australia taught me that.
It reminds me of how a friend frankly told me she thought of me as 'an academic person' and implied that I therefore have little emotion. 
Hahaha. I think that I just don't show them in most situations, although I really want to show it, it is usually not drawn out, or possibly inappropriate. More often the former. 

I fear becoming a robot. I'm already called "The Machine". Sadly. But I think I may be as impersonal as impersonal can be, and therefore in return, I have impersonal friends. I want to talk about things beyond academics with some friends I'm relatively comfortable with, but they have no care for these concerns. Sigh. And with friends who only care about the most random things, I tend to spend too little time with them, for various reasons?. Sigh. 

I miss serving in OCF. I miss some of my closest friends there.
When I could share some of my deepest thoughts and feelings. 
And listen to theirs. And encourage them and be encouraged.
It usually is related to God, directly and indirectly. 
But now, who can I confide in? Who can I trust?

Playing the organ, reminds me of my humanity. 
The introductions, the journey, the conflict, the turn, and the close of music.
Like going through an entire movie in five minutes.
Like dancing on the keyboard with the music.
Whereby you're definitely on time with the tune, as you play the notes.
Which gives the music an extra kick and influence.

How I miss the organ. 
And some of the things of the past.
And yet, I know I will not be satisfied even if I relived the past.  


It seems like I need to change things in my life. 
I need to grow.
Life as it is, is going to be terrifyingly miserable.


I want change.